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How I Saved My Marriage
|My Story |
My husband's involvement and attraction towards me was fading away. It was only a matter a time before he would ask for a divorce. Even though I knew it would happen soon I was in a state of shock when the moment finally arrived.
I did what I could to cope with it all. I derived a �what's wrong with us� list. Then followed it up with a �how to improve� list. I gone through episodes where I pleaded with my husband, tried to talk him out of it, cried while bluntly begging and other usual responses and tactics from someone who doesn't want a divorce. We tried counseling without success. In desperation, I suggested a trial separation hoping that he misses me and things would go back to normal.
Story continues - read what happened next
by Diva Rebecca
The most difficult time during any period of life is immediately following the end of a long term relationship, especially if it had been an emotionally battering experience and an abusive relationship. The reason we feel so down and depressed after an event such as this is because we no longer are able to love ourselves. This is one of the biggest causes of depression. Your past relationship may have crippled your self esteem. You were relying so heavily on the love of your ex-partner to keep you afloat that now you feel yourself sinking into a pit of despair. You begin to constantly fear that maybe if he or she did not love you and keep loving you, then maybe there is just something wrong with you. You might even begin to nearly hate yourself. The depression you enter encircles you and causes a whole new series of problems such as the inability to work, go to the gym or take care of your health which causes the way you view yourself to worsen. Most people are able to take care of their depression with time, good friends and counseling. But some of the effects are lasting and can affect your ability to develop new relationships in the future. This is because you still have a negative view of yourself. You can not expect a new person in your life to love you, if you don't love yourself.
No matter what the reason or cause, every person should be taking the time out in their lives to reflect on their own personal achievements and good aspects about themselves. It is one of the most important and fundamental parts to creating a healthy lifestyle and then a healthy relationship with another person. It is vital to your own state of mind to create a lasting love of your own self and promote your own happiness. It is also important to remember that you just can not be happy in a relationship with someone until you are completely secure with yourself.
How do you begin to love yourself after you have recently been broken down into pieces? It isn't instant, but it is easy. The trick is to first acknowledge that you have low self-esteem and then take active steps towards mending your own heart. You must stick by it and work on it every day. Here are some steps you can take which I think are very useful:
- Make a list of things about yourself that you think are special. It may be difficult while you feel badly about yourself, but trust me, there are unique points to every individual. Tape this list to an area where you can see it every day and add new items when you think of them. Let yourself read them every day and smile.
- Every day take a few minutes out to give yourself a pat on the back and praise for something good that you did today. Be your own pedestal.
- Imagine the person, most likely your ex, who has hurt your ego in the past. I want you to picture him or her as you used to, as your old dear and best friend. Think of all the good points about this person, and not their negative points. Fill yourself with love for this person and then flip it around. Imagine this person (who used to make you feel so badly) making you feel good about yourself. Imagine him or her telling you how wonderful you are while he or she is smiling. (As weird as this one sounds, it works!)
- Try to remember all of the compliments you have received in the past that made you feel good about yourself. You should always work to try and remember the good words spoken to you and forget about the bad. Each time you receive a compliment, soak it in and let yourself feel special.
- Be more understanding of yourself. If you are feeling down because of something you did or said, be a good friend to yourself. Understand that conditions that were surrounding you at the time, acknowledge your guilt and then forgive yourself. You are still a good person. Give your self some compassion.
- Recognize that someone is not always going to be there for you to pick you up from the floor. You are the one who will give you all the love you need for the rest of your life.
- The next time you feel a wave of negative emotions about to take over, go to war. Take the initiative to end these feelings by switching your current frame of mind to something more positive. For example, if you begin to imagine your lover with another person, you are letting feelings of doom and gloom enter your heart. There is no need to dwell on such thoughts. Instead, think about a new, maybe even imaginary, love of your life who treats you with love, kindness and never ending respect. It kind of makes you feel good, doesn't it?
- Do good things for yourself. You deserve to be treated well and the best person who can do that is yourself. Take yourself shopping once in a while, make yourself a three-tiered chocolate cake or go get a back massage. Treat yourself the way you wish to be treated by others.
- Always remember that there are people out there who care about you and love you very much.
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