The Sexually Giving Partner
by Diva Rebecca
We all want to find the right partner for ourselves whether it is just for the time being or for a long term relationship. I have noticed a particularly fascinating trait which can easily determine if a man or woman is right for you while you are looking for a loving, satisfying and fulfilling relationship. Many of you might be in a relationship right now but feel unsatisfied. You give and give and give but never receive. Very often, it has always been that way between the two of you even from the beginning of the relationship. Yet just because he or she stuck around you feel that there must be love between you. When you are always giving and never receiving the relationship could end up in disaster. Your partner may just not be that into you and may end the relationship or eventually you will crack because you will feel so unloved.
I was dating a man for many years and right from the beginning the sex was great but it was always about me pleasing him. He never really cared about my sexual pleasure. He never made sure I was pleased or even climaxed. I always took care of his needs and because he was always pleased at the end, I felt satisfied because it made me feel good that I could turn him on. As time wore on I became a little frustrated. How come he didn't want to see me excited or take care of my needs in the same way? This should have been a red flag right away but I never noticed it. Our relationship progressed very much the same way. I was always doting over him, giving him attention and love, taking care of all of his needs, encouraging him and supporting him. However, I received very little emotional support and love back from him. It was not exactly this way in the beginning of our relationship, but I should have seen it coming from the lack of integrity in the bedroom. His lack of sexual giving was a sign of his lack of giving in general. He was a selfish man.
My next relationship was (is) with a man who only wanted to satisfy me. I forgot what that was like! To this day he still only wants me to be pleased in every way and I cannot beging to describe how wonderful our relationship is. In our every day relationship he is the most emotionally loving person I could ever ask for. In an emotionally satisfying and loving relationship neither partner can afford to be selfish. A relationship is all about partnerships, compromises and work. To make the other partner happy, each one needs to be generous with emotional support, love and the occasional praise. A man or woman who is ready for a mature relationship will signal you by being generous in many ways. The easiest way to determine if he or she will provide you with that special relationship is in the bedroom. When you partner pulls out all of the stops to make sure you are sexually satisfied, you have a keeper. Congratulations!
Aretha Franklin knew the truth way ahead of time when she sung "It's In His Kiss". The song, recently made popular again by Cher, boasts the wisdom filled lyrics, "If you wanna know if he loves you so, it's in his kiss." Think about the truth in this statement. If you want to know if your lover really loves you, go for the big smooch. This is a great test especially when you and your partner have been together for a while and the constant making out has faded into small pecks on the cheek in the morning. Try igniting that flame with a real kiss, like you used to do. If he or she pulls back or stops too early, there is something wrong between you...or you just need to rediscover the benefits of mouthwash. If your lover matches your kiss with a more passionate one, feel free to jump for joy because your paramour is in love with you.
For those of you who are just dating, do not feel the need to sleep with every new lover just to determine his worth in the area of sexual and emotional giving. But when the time comes when both of you are ready to be intimate you should be able to determine a lot! For those of you who have been in long term relationships and the sex life has waned a bit, try and think back to the beginning of the relationship. How was that first year of sex? In most relationships, the frequency of sex will go down over time and this is normal. As we age, libidos drop and other factors such as a hectic lifestyles and multiple children will cause for an ever decreasing lack of sex. But that does not mean your lover is less emotionally giving. The critical time to determine his or her generosity is in the beginning when sexual urges are piqued.
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