Dear Diva Rebecca,

My in-laws asked my wife if she wanted to go on a week vacation with them. They would pay for her plane ticket and they have an extra room in the condo which they are renting. They threw in I could come too if I wanted. But I would need to pay for my plane ticket etc. I'm not a big vacation person, my wife and I have only taken a couple of week vacations in the past seven years, not counting vacation time used to hang around the house and stuff. Mostly my wife and I take two or three day weekends to go away, since we have a dog, new house and we are not spending too much money. I have a somewhat fair relationship with my in-laws, but this "come with us on vacation" stuff annoys me. All four of us did go together for a vacation once before and it was okay, I had fun. They used to take my wife on vacation with them when she was my girlfriend eight years ago, but were in our mid 30's now and have been married for three years. I feel we should go as a family when the time is right. To top it all off we are about to put our house for sale and the proposed vacation is for next month. Am I selfish for not wanting her to go? Or is she selfish for wanting to go without me?

Sincerely,

Mr. Selfish
Tunbridge, Vermont

Dear Mr. Selfish,

You mentioned that you are not big on vacations, but maybe your wife is. Your wife might actually want to take more vacations and has spoken about this to her family. Since you are not willing to take her on vacations her family may be willing and even better, willing to pay for it, she should have every right to go.

Although you have been married for quite some time, there is no age when it is inappropriate for her to go on vacation with her family. If her family bonds are strong, take my word for it, she is lucky! You are being selfish by wanting her to stay home when she has the wonderful opportunity to bond with her side of the family and the opportunity to take vacations. The best times in life are when you can spend it with family and friends. That is why we all work. We work so that we can afford to take these vacations and have this time. Time is our most precious commodity.

I understand the money situation and the fact that you are selling your house. Things are tight. But for most of us, they will always be tight. You should let her take advantage of these kinds of things. Her family is not trying to sabotage your relationship. They are being kind and generous people. There is nothing wrong with this. You must stop being so selfish and let your wife go on this trip with or without you. You must also let her make her own decision about it without any guilt trips coming from you. And if she decides to go, you need to be happy for her. Let her have some fun. When you are in a mutually loving relationship, you should want her to be happy.

If the time period is stressing you out severely, then just let her know about it with a calm and rational discussion. You have every right to let her know how you really feel. You just can not try and force her to feel the same way about it as you do.

Sincerely,

Diva Rebecca