Dear Diva Rebecca,

My boyfriend and I have been together just over a year and we are great together. But lately things have been a little dull. He spends a lot of time in his shed - which I have no problems with, but when he comes back into the house for dinner he only watches television and zones right out or he plays video games. This happens almost every night. I make suggestions to him for us to go out and spend some time together doing things but he either just shrugs or rejects it outright. I am starting to feel neglected. I also feel like I do a lot in this relationship and I get no appreciation for it. He is quite an affectionate person - by that I mean he cuddles with me and kisses me a lot. But I think there should be more to our relationship than just our bedroom activities. It is getting a little dull and routine. If I bring it up to him he quickly accuses me of whining and complaining. I just want that spark back!

Sincerely,

Bored Stiff,
Lynnwood, Washington

Dear Bored Stiff,

Living together always changes things. Suddenly, you two are with each other all of the time and you spend the majority of your time together. Even for two people madly in love, the spark can fade over time. I do not doubt that he loves you very much. It just so happens that he has become used to a life with you living together and he has happily settled into the comfortable stage of a relationship. He is happy just doing nothing. He knows where you are and what you are doing at all times, so what does he have to worry about? Nothing. He is completely relaxed and at ease.

At the very least, you have something that other people do not. He is still affectionate with you. In many relationships when the sparks fade so does that loving feeling. If he was not giving you any affection, attention or love at all, the story would be different. You have a lot to be thankful for. There are so many men and women out there who are in a relationship but feel so terribly lonely because their mate is not giving them the attention and affection they deserve. It may be difficult to see what you have right now because you are taking that much for granted. You have a very loving relationship and you need to try and see the pros rather than dwell on the cons. You are in a position that many women crave.

Still, I understand your point about the boredom and it is not wrong of you to feel this way. You have a very easy solution. You don't have to drag him out to have fun. Forcing him to do stuff with you usually results in a bad situation. So go out with your girlfriends. Make time for yourself and try to have some fun without him. You don't need your man to make your life happy and exciting. Find things to do to keep you occupied and keep happy. Join classes, go shopping with your friends, go out clubbing, join a book club (my girlfriends and I just set one up!), etc etc. You get the idea. This will create a win-win situation. First of all, you will stop being so bored at home. Second, after a while your loving man will begin to miss you! He will wonder what you are doing and become curious as to your daily activities. He will eventually want to spend time with you and when that happens, you will be in the position to create fun, new and exciting ideas to plan with your lover. He will be more than happy to participate as well. Not only will you be making a happier life for yourself, but you will also be making your relationship a better one and your man will be all the more happier for it.

On a side note...you should stop bringing up this issue with your man for now. He knows what you want and he knows the problem. Unfortunately, the more you nag someone about an issue, the more he will want to avoid it. Eventually he will get around to addressing the issue, and it will be sooner than you know it if you back off for now.

Sincerely,

Diva Rebecca