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Dear Diva Rebecca,
My boyfriend and I have been together for a while now and we really hit it off. Two weeks ago he got really hammered at the bar and he started fantasizing about the exotic dancers from the nudie strip bars. During sex, he called me one of the exotic girl's name and tells me, while he was inside of me, how he is fucking this girl, but he is inside me. Then he called one girl after another while he got super horny, and described how they look like, how he wanted to fuck this girl, and how he is fucking them (while inside me..). Then he even said out loud, "I love you" to one of the girls he mentioned while he was inside me. This is the first time I came across this kind of guy, I am little bit bewildered here. We have had normal sex since and we have had this freaky fantasy sex a couple more times. We have not discussed it at all, I don't even know if he remembers. It bothers me that he said "I love you" to an invisible woman while we were having sex and it bothers me that he keeps going to strip clubs. How can I get him to stop going to nudie bars?
Young Harris, Georgia
Dear Stripper Fantasy,
Men go to gentlemen's clubs all of the time. Sometimes, it is a phase they go through. It is almost like watching pornography for some of these men and they get mentally addicted to the stimulation. They say that pornography acts like a drug addiction in ways. When guys go to these clubs they see these beautiful young women who act like they are really into the guys (of course, all they are into is his money) and they put on a good show. They rub their breasts in his face, rub against him and get him turned on. Sometimes, the guys can get a little extra sumn-sumn for a little extra cash. The guys love this, it makes them feel euphoric. However, it may not be just a phase. There are guys who go to these clubs and will continue to go for the rest of their lives. Usually, the men that go every single weekend and happy hour for a lifetime are the ones that:
A) Were born with a silver spoon in their mouth and understand that they can buy anything.....because "anything" is usually for sale.
B) Have no respect for women and never will.
C) Have no life. They are too screwed up for some reason or another and no one wants them for a marriage or respectable union.
D) Are married to, or have always been involved, with a stripper.
I am not sure how young you two are, but hopefully he will not continue to go to these clubs for a long period of time. At the moment I would not continue to nag him about the clubs. That could only cause him to distance himself from you because that is all that nagging will do. Instead, I would not worry about it too much for now. The more love and affection you give him will eventually cause him to want to be with you at home more often. Besides, he should eventually get sick of these strippers after a while. As exciting as they seem now, it never lasts. Trust me, I know plenty of them. They are normal people too behind the glamour of the breast augmentations and cocaine. If your relationship gets to the point of a marriage proposal, well then you are well within your rights to ask him to make this small concession. No more strippers.
As for his fantasy, sweetie, do not worry about it. We all have fantasies and they always change with time. It is actually a good thing that he is involving you with his fantasies because it shows that he trusts you. Would you trust him with your deepest and darkest fantasy? You should not be afraid to explore his fantasies and indulge him in them. It will keep your sex life alive and full of passion. Instead of thinking "this is strange", help him out with it. Start role playing. When he starts calling out girls names, pretend you are one of the strippers. Give him your new name and tell him what you look like. Maybe even tell him what a good little slut you can be. You will probably blow his socks off. No pun intended. Afterwards, maybe you can let him in on some of your fantasies when the time is right. Also, the fantasy he is having does not mean that he is a bad or dirty person. So keep an open mind.
Not everyone will agree with me, everyone has their own opinion.|
What would your advice be?
Be respectful and courteous. Rude remarks and slander of any kind will be removed.