Dear Diva Rebecca,

I desperately need your help. I have been with my girlfriend for about a year and a half now. This past summer she got pregnant and she is due in April. We are both in the military and after I came back from deployment we got an apartment together and started making plans together for our life. Well I have had this thing with chatting online with people and after seeing this one day she asked me to stop because she didn't like it so I did. I had to move to Washington and she is still in California, and since then we have been having major problems. Before I left I had taken some explicit pictures of myself and put them on our computer and she found the pictures. I was also having sexual conversations with people online not for any sexual pleasure mainly from being bored. But I still did it and it was wrong of me to do it. She now says that we can not be together right now and she wants me to to go to counseling but she doesn't know if we can ever be together again. She doesn't know if she can ever trust me again. I love this woman very much and I want to spend my life with her and it is tearing me up inside that I actually did this to her. What can I do so that she can trust me again?

Sincerely,

Cheated Online,
United Kingdom

Dear Cheated Online,

Well, hunny, she probably thinks you are a freak. Or at least, she may be worried that you are.

There are plenty of people that chat online and they even engage in online sex and other fun stuff like that. And I am sure she realized that when she found out you are hooked on chatting online, you were probably having some online affairs. Some people will calling this cheating while other women will accept it as a variation of pornography and they might not even mind it too much. Your girl minded. She wanted to nip any chance of you having an online romance in the bud. She didn't want to take the chance. It bothered her and she let you know about it. But then she found out that you were having an online romance or two and you were even sharing photos.

Now, if it was just an online affair, she may have been understandably upset for a long time with your infidelity. You would have some serious making up to do. But in this case, your ex really doesn't know what to think. Are you an exhibitionist? Are you a pedophile? Do you have some freakiness about you that she will never know about and she may never uncover? The part about the photos scared her. This is not a normal encounter. And she probably does not have too many girlfriends she can share this with and gain insight on. Even if she had a hoard of friends, she would not want to tell them about this problem because of rumors, etc. What would her friends think if she got back together with you? (Not that you are a bad guy, this is just how a girl can think).

What you need to do is explain to her any fetishes you may have. Think about it. Are you an exhibitionist, do you role play online, do you have fantasies you have not discussed with her? If you explain to her what was really going on and give her better reasoning than to say "I was bored", she will be more willing to accept your mistakes. By just saying that you were bored you are telling her that you think your relationship is boring and you might do it again in the future when you get bored. You must be more honest with her, perhaps even seek advice from a sex counselor so you can be more armed when you talk to her.

This woman is just about to have a baby. She is going to want and need you by her side. You have some serious making up to do and I think you can handle it. The usual groveling, flower and candy buying and staying attentive to her needs in her pregnant status is absolutely necessary. Also think about ways you can prove to her that this will never happen again. She can install computer tracking software on your computer so that she can check out your online activity if she feels the need to. Things like that.

Sincerely,

Diva Rebecca