Dear Diva Rebecca,

I dated this great guy for about eight years, from high school, through college and a little afterwards. We got engaged right after college but before we could get married we broke up. It was a rough break up. He cheated and pushed me away and I cried and sobbed for months. It has been almost a year since that break up and we are getting back together. He has apologized for everything and has really made efforts to make me believe his sincerity. Unfortunately, my parents and brother are not quite so thrilled about the reconciliation. They found out when they saw my engagement ring back on my finger. My family refuses to accept him now. My mom even told me that if we did get married, she would not attend the wedding. How can I get them to lighten up? People make mistakes.

Sincerely,

The Problem Child
York, Nebraska

Dear Problem Child,

"People make mistakes". I couldn’t have said it better myself. Your family is trying to prevent you from making one yourself.

Of course your family is going to feel this way right now. Your parents and your brother love you. They most likely suffered when they saw you going through such a hard time. It hurt them just like it hurt you. When you love someone (especially your own child) and you see that person hurting, it can break your own heart. Even worse for them, they couldn’t do anything to ease the pain of heartbreak for you. And it hurts when you can’t help someone you love.

I don’t know either you or your fiancé personally, but it is possible that you might have some clouded judgment. You might feel so elated that he has come back into your life that you might not be seeing things clearly. I mean, he could really be the greatest guy and just made a stupid mistake, or he could be taking advantage of you. Regardless, your family is seeing things clearly, and they want to prevent you from making a mistake which could lead to another broken heart for you. And you can’t blame them for that.

Realistically, your mom is not trying to make things hard for you, she isn't out to ruin your life, she isn't trying to make you unhappy and she isn't being unreasonable. She is being protective, because she loves you. You are lucky. I wish everyone had a family who cared as much as yours does!

I think that before you start wearing your engagement ring again, you should slow down and take some time with your guy to see if things really will work again. This time will also be needed to gently ease him back into your family’s good graces, if he sticks around this time. You are not going to be able to push the issue with your family. So for now the best thing to do is to live your life with your family and keep him separate for the time being. Try not to bring up his name too often because it might just aggravate your family even more. And you know what? The less you discuss your situation, the less flack you will get from your parents. Remember to do your best to only bring up his name if he did something positive you want to share and don’t pass on any negative information about him. It will only fuel their fire.

If you slowly and silently keep dating your guy, your family will eventually accept the situation for what it is. You won’t have to talk about your boyfriend, they will know you are still seeing him. And the longer you date him, the more comfortable they will become with it. And, of course, the longer – the better for you. Your mom will come to your wedding if you do get married. But if you went ahead and eloped tomorrow, she will be justifiably ticked off for a while. If you take your time and get married after a good amount of time and consideration, no mother is going to miss her little girl’s wedding.

Finally, after your feelings of elation wear off, you should really consider if this is the right move for you. After all, he did a number on you once. Are you willing to risk the chance of it happening again? I am no one to say "Don’t follow your heart", but before you jump into marriage, weigh out the pros and cons. On the other hand, you had been together for a long time and everyone makes mistakes. Everyone. Some mistakes are worse than others. Only you can decide if he is worth forgiving.

Sincerely,

Diva Rebecca