Dear Diva Rebecca,

I'm not very experienced in dating, but I had my very first true boyfriend about a year ago. In fact, a year ago today we started dating. Well, we broke up in March, so the relationship didn't last very long, but I still have feelings for him. His feelings for me have been off and on, like he does not know what he wants. Recently, he has told me that he still has strong feelings for me and he misses me, but he wants us to start talking more before we start anything up again. Now I know that I should not even acknowledge the fact that he called because most likely this will end up the way the other times did. I will be heartbroken. I always think, maybe this time, it's different. I know I love him with everything I have, and I truly do think he feels the same way back. Everyone else tells me no, he is lying, and whatever else. I don't understand why people judge him because they do not know him like I do. Should I listen to them, or follow my heart? My heart says wait it out and see what happens. The problem is, another guy has confessed his feelings for me. Now I like this guy, and I understand feelings can grow, but I am in love with my ex, and I am honestly lost and confused. I am scared to get involved with someone else for fear that I will suffer as well as the person I get involved with. Please help me.

Sincerely,

Feelings For Two Men,
Fairfax, Virginia

Dear Feelings for Two Men,

First of all, you can listen to what other people have to say about your love life, but you should take it with a grain of salt. You know what is right and what is wrong. You know how to weigh out the good and the bad with this previous relationship. You know the difference between right and wrong. You are fully capable of making your own decisions. You should do what you think is right regardless of what other people tell you as long as you are taking everything into consideration. Friends can offer up some good advice, however. You should listen to what they say and their line of reasoning because they are looking at the situation as an outsider. They can see things you can not because you may be blinded by love. Even so, it still remains your decision to be made and you alone can make that choice.

In your situation, I would take a chance on this other person. After a few dates, you may decide he is not the one for you. Or, you could fall madly in love, head over heels and become swept away by a the greatest love you ever had. You never know until you try.

Talk to you ex and feel him out. Let him know that you would like to still see him and you miss him too, but you are also seeing other people. As long as you tell him up front and right away, there will be no surprises for him later causing him to become angry and break up with you. Just let him know that you do not want to get too attached right now because you are afraid of getting hurt again. You just want to take things slowly and see what happens. He should have no problem with this as long as you tell him in a sweet manner.

By being honest and up front, you will get to have your cake and eat it too. You can enjoy the company of both men for a little while and see how you like it. This new man may intrigue you. You can also see other people casually. You should get out there and see who is available. You owe it to yourself. As hard as it may be, I would refrain from having sex with any of the men while dating. This will just help prevent any hassle in case you sleep with one, find out you love the other, and the this other finds out that you slept with the first man. Sex while dating a number of men will just confuse the situation so just keep it simple.

Sincerely,

Diva Rebecca