Dear Diva Rebecca,

My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. He has a certain girlfriend who has been disrespecting our relationship from day one. In fact, I feel that many of his friends are not good for our relationship and I just don't know what to do. The girlfriend of his is not trying to be with him or anything of that nature. But she does tell him horrible things about me and that he could do better! It hurts me so much because every time we have a problem he runs to her. He even lies to me and goes out to meet her when he tells me he is going out on a boys night. His guy friends are married but still go out to the bars and pick up women and cheat on their wives. It seems like all of his friends are just bad for a relationship if you know what I mean. The worst part is the fact that I feel like such a hag when I bring this up to him. It pushes him away and I am sure it makes him feel like I am trying to control him and that I want to take him away from his friends. But in all honesty, I think our relationship should be the most important part of his life right now and he should be surrounding himself with more honest and grounded friends who promote the idea of healthy relationship. Now because of my emotions, he has been treating me differently. Actually, he has been treating me quite poorly.

Sincerely,

Wanting Loyalty,
Radcliff, Kentucky

Dear Wanting,

Oh my dear, I know all too well the type of man you are dating. He can actually be one of two types of characters. Either he is simply not ready for a commitment. In this case....there may come a time when he will be or he may never mature into the kind of person you hope for. Or, he is the type of person who simply gets bored in a relationship every couple of years and just moves on from girl to girl. His friends only act as a catalyst for these events.

Fortunately, there are real men out there. I am not telling you to up and leave him but I just wanted to point out your options. There are wonderful relationship oriented men who desire nothing more than to please a good woman and give her a healthy loving relationship. There are also these same men who would never offend you by keeping the company of friends who disrespect your relationship. If there was a certain woman who has evil intent or caused grief in your relationship, a good man would put her aside easily...even if they had been long time friends.

Because your man has not come to your aid and has only come to the defense of his ill-natured friends, he has not yet developed that sense of importance for your relationship together. And I am sure this feeling of disloyalty has you acting out on your emotions. You want him so dearly to show you the affection and attention you deserve. And the more you want this, the less he gives it to you. Am I right?

In any case, your problem with his so-called friends will only get worse because the more you pick at the subject, the more he will want to express his freedom. It is not the fact that he does not love you. The problem is that you are pushing him away from you. However, when the first issue arose, he should have taken care of the problem with a few simple snips of the scissors instead of instantly revolting. If that had happened, this problem would have been nipped in the bud and would have been over. Because he was unable to let go of his problematic friend instantly tells me that he may not be the right guy for you.

The hardest part is letting go of someone who has your heart. You developed a relationship with someone and fell in love with him when he was a different person. Because this issue has slowly evolved over time, that person who used to love you so much has now changed. You want to bring back his old self, but you can't. At least not without time. It would be best right now to take some time apart. He will either realize what he has lost, or you will find someone who suits your needs and makes you feel as special as you deserve!

The best part about taking some time apart is getting to feel special again. Your ego has been blown because of the choices your boyfriend has been making. You feel less important than his lowly friends and that makes you feel low! You have forgotten what it is like to be treated with love and respect. Therefore, the time apart can be a blessing. Let yourself be spoiled and doted upon by a special new man. Let a new guy act crazy about you. Boost that self esteem! Do you remember what it feels like to get flowers, to get picked up in a limo, to be wined and dined on a regular basis? I know what that feels like right now...and let me tell you.....you DESERVE it!

Sincerely,

Diva Rebecca