Dear Diva Rebecca,

I am having trouble moving on with my life. My ex-girlfriend and I split nearly three years ago. It was difficult for both of us. We fought a lot, had major issues and private problems. But we still loved each other. The fighting was just out of hand. She would cry, I would cuss and storm out. We were miserable and the break was necessary. But that never changed how much I loved her. I don't know if I was just too immature for a serious relationship at the time or just unable to handle arguments. But I did love her. Now she is married and about to have a child. And I am finding myself regretting every little fight, every little problem and wishing I could turn back time more and more. I know I have to move on, but I am finding it so hard to do so. My life is just full of regret.

Sincerely,

Full of Regret
Grove, Oklahoma

Dear Regret,

Believe it or not, the spot you are in right now can be looked upon as a good thing. You have become so shaken with regret as you look back upon this broken relationship because you see where she is now and you want the same thing. It is, in fact, a sign of your emotional maturity and readiness for a serious relationship. I know some single girls who could use a guy like you right about now!

At the time perhaps you were not ready for that committed relationship. At the very least, you were unable to compromise or make concessions during your arguments. You might have made things worse, and she might have too. You may just have been a bad match, bringing out the worst in each other. Maturity, personality, past unresolved problems....there are a number of different things that could have caused you two to crash and burn. But this is not the time to reflect on what could have been. Because now you have that chance to learn from your mistakes and find out what can be.

The thing is, when you meet that special someone again, you are going to look back at your old relationship and remember the fights. You are going to try extra hard to work on the new relationship, to make your new found love happy and to work out problems together without fighting. You will now know that you want a serious relationship and that you are ready for one. So when the time comes, you will be ready for it and will be willing to work that much harder for it. I can almost guarantee that your next serious relationship will seem like a slice of heaven compared to what you have just been through, because you will know how to treat your beloved. And you will be treated the same way back.

You can not continue to live in the past. You can't keep thinking of what you did wrong every day while reciting your old arguments in your head. You are having problems moving on because you are dwelling on the fact that she has moved on and is happy. I can relate personally just a little at the moment. I suffered a breakup a while ago, and now I am happy and pregnant with my new love. I am moving on, and so should you.

Just get out there and start dating here and there to get your mind off things. You don't have to dive into any relationship. But if you keep your heart open, one day someone is going to catch your attention. It is at that point when you will be thankful for your breakup with your ex and happy with your new found love and your life together ahead.


Sincerely,

Diva Rebecca