Dear Diva Rebecca,

Before marrying my husband I told him that I had a high sex drive and wanted to make love 3 to 4 times a week. He said he would fulfill his husbandly duties. Now, only a year later, we have constantly have issues about me not feeling that I am being taken care of as I would like to be. To add to the stress he now has his three year old son which we are keeping, and who only knows Russian, AND my husband has not worked since we have been married, AND I have had to shell out a great amount of money to pay for him to get his green card. The last added stress is I am pregnant (to spite our sex issues). Even though he said he didn't want to have any more children (he has 2 sons - this will be my first). The birth control he used did not work and he blamed me even though this was his responsibility as we discussed. I lost the child in the first trimester. Three months after the miscarriage I told him I was willing to divorce and he said he quickly changed his tune. He said he was willing to have a baby and we got pregnant again. He claims that sex 1 to 2 times a month is enough for him but it is hard for me to believe that a young man can have such a low sex drive, especially since I found out that he had been chatting online with other women. He claims that they were all friendly conversations. I am tired of being stupid. I need your advice am I being used by a desperate man.

Sincerely,

Marriage Phobic
Kokomo, Indiana

Dear Marriage Phobic,

Oh, no you didn't. How could you not see through this scam?

Girl, you are being scammed for a green card. I have seen this happen before. I had a wonderful girlfriend in Houston once who was scammed like this but without the pregnancy. Her name was Val. Val was an average looking girl but not exactly gorgeous if I can be so blunt. She went away on a singles vacation and while she was in Greece she met a man from Russia who looked like James Bond. He was dashing, handsome and just plain beautiful. He started courting Val and of course she fell head over heels in love with him. At the end of her vacation he proposed. We were all a little skeptical. It was a little too weird. Most men doen't propose after only a week, I mean come on. We weren't sure what to make of this guy. She brought him back to visit so we could all meet him. He kept his cool, was very well mannered and charming, but he did not seem at all like he was really "into" Val. He never put his arm around her, never gave her hugs, never smiled at her. To make a long story short, they got married in Texas, he got his green card, then he vanished. He was supposed to be going on a little weekend getaway with friends to Florida, but he just never came back. I saw this one coming a mile away but poor Val was devestated. She honestly thought this man was in love with her.

Your guy is playing the SAME game. He got mad at you because he wanted to get his green card after marrying you and then be able to leave you with no strings to hold him to you. You threatened to call off the wedding so he decided to appease you. He was not about to lose his chance for American citizenship. He is not having sex with you that often because he is not in love with you. He wants you for the green card. I am not trying to be mean and I am not trying to hurt you. This is the simple truth of the matter. He is not treating you the way you deserve to be treated simply because he is not in love with you. And you say he is having some online trysts at the moment? That right there is enough to cut the ties and let him loose. If I were you, I would call INS and tell them the whole story.

You don't need this crap. Break up with him and don't let this guy ruin your life. There are plenty of men in America that can do that for you. Just kidding. There are plenty of loving men out there that want the same things you do and who will do you right when the lights go off every single night. Why be bored for the rest of your life?

Sincerely,

Diva Rebecca