Dear Diva Rebecca,

I am thirty years old and I am still Daddy's little angel. I love my father. He is the most wonderful man in the world. Because of this, I have always had trouble dating. I know what I want in a man: I want my father. But no one compares to him. I have psycho-analyzed myself a million times and I know that I need to stop comparing men to Dad, but I just can't. Do you have any insight on this particular subject?

Sincerely,

Daddy's Girl
Abilene, Texas

Dear Daddy's Girl,

I hate to say this but you are on the Diva's top-five list of women to avoid. We must work to get you off this list! The Daddy's girl is the female equivalent of the Mamma's boy, as you may have guessed, and she is just as difficult to please. You are old enough to acknowledge the fact that no one will ever compare to dear old Dad and that you are a sure-fire Daddy's girl, but you are also old enough to fix the problem.

There are actually two kinds of Daddy's girl and I am not sure which one is worse. I suppose that depends on the guy you are dating at the time.

The Gun-Toting-Father Daddy's Girl: This Daddy's Girl has a father that has the ability to make her date wet his pants just by giving him that ice cold stare down. He will speak to each of her dates in a private room and ask him, "What are you going to do with my little girl?" while he is calmly stroking the head of his hunting rifle. This man will never crack a smile, offer a kind word or make a date feel at ease in any way. He never wants the dates to feel at ease. He wants them to feel like he is always watching and he knows what the couple is doing at any given moment. This will make it difficult for the guy to ever have sex with her. The Daddy's Girl in this scenario will actually be the one pushing for a relationship with a guy because she wants to get away from his overbearing nature. This is not the category you fall into.

The "Oh-Daddy" Daddy's Girl: The Daddy here has a 180 degree of separation from the one above. He can be kind, sweet, generous and easy to get along with. He loves most of his daughter's dates and he just wants to see her happy and well off. But it is almost his fault because he created a monster. I will get into that below. This girl loves her father and nothing in the world could ever compare to him. For her whole life her father has been able to take care of everything. He is completely reliable and competent and she has never had to worry about anything. No man ever measures up to Daddy because no man can ever make her feel as safe and secure as Daddy does.

You fall into this second category as you can see. Now there is nothing wrong with loving your father. You have a healthy relationship with your father that many women have gone without. Most psychologists even speculate that women raised with a male figure are more mentally stable. Well that is good to know. I can at least rely on the fact that you are not going to come hunt me down with a bow and arrow if you don't like what I say.

The problem that you have actually came from your father. He caused you to be this way, not that he meant to. While raising you your father took care of everything and probably told you not to worry about anything. While doing so, he taught you to not think for yourself. He taught you that he would lead and you would follow. He also never taught you to protect yourself because he would always protect you. You may think this sounds extreme, but this is how a Daddy's Girl is created. It was all innocent enough; however, because your Daddy was just trying to take care of his little girl.

As an adult the only thing you can do I look beyond your date's flaws. No one will ever be quite like your Dad. You also need to realize that NO ONE IS GOING TO CARE OF YOURSELF BETTER THAN YOU. You are essentially looking for that father figure to come in and take care of everything, just like Dad. You want to be able to rely on someone that heavily again. It is not going to happen anytime soon. That kind of a relationship only comes with time and trust as that normal relationship will grow into a kind of mutual arrangement where both partners equally depend on each other. So stop looking for someone to take care of you.

Finally, if you are unable to become independent and find an equal partner rather than a father figure, then I might suggest looking at older men. Some older men love to play the father figure to young women; it gives them some youth back in their lives. Older men often seek out younger women who are too young because they like to be in control in the relationship. Younger women are easier to control. As she becomes older, she starts to rebel against his authority and the relationship ends. On the other hand you are looking for that type of control. You already know that you have the Daddy's Girl personality type and a relationship of this kind could actually work for you.

Sincerely,

Diva Rebecca