i don't want an open relationship

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    My Story
    Hi, I'm Chase Oliver and I'm 32 years old.

    I was engaged to a woman named Sara, whom I was in love with more than anything...

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    She said she wasn't ready and that she needed time, and she didn't know how long it would take.

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    My whole world was flipped upside-down.

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    Dear Diva Rebecca,

    A month ago I met a really great guy from a city one hour away. He's a traveling salesman, so he's in my town a few times a month. He's done all the pursuing...dates, phone calling and emailing. I've been more open to him than I thought I'd be, and physically things did go somewhat further than I planned on our second date. We've had two since, but just before I met him the last time, I asked him about other "current dating situations". He said he prefers to take things slow and build relationships. He also said that he was dating other women, but hasn't taken any of the relationships to "the next level" He won't make a commitment to anyone until he can "prioritize" only one person. He tells me I am the only person he has pursued because the others chase him and from the amount of effort he has put into contacting me, I do believe that. He makes me feel like a princess. Anyway, I couldn't bring myself to telling him how I really felt in person, so I emailed him the next day telling him I wasn't interested in an open dating relationship and to call me if he changed his style. It has been 5 days since I wrote the email, 6 since I last saw him or talked to him. Did the situation blow up in my face? Or was it doomed regardless? Will I hear from him? Please advise. For the first time in a long time, I was starting to fall in love.


    Princess For A Week
    New Ulm, MN

    Dear Princess For A Week,

    Didn't your mother ever warn you about the traveling salesmen? They are notorious for having affairs in every area that travel to. They keep different women in different towns so that the chance of being caught between two women becomes zero percent. The traveling salesman is such a cliché, I have to laugh a bit here. Excuse me, I do feel your pain sweets.

    This man is nothing but a player. There are two distinctive types of players. There are those that have multitudes of affairs and try to keep them hidden from each other while telling each woman that they are the only ones. The other type, which your man falls into, lets each woman know that there are others because he is not sure about settling down yet. This player thinks that his honesty will make you think he is actually a virtuous man when in all reality it is that exact veil of disillusion that he is using to be a male slut. In his mind, he is completely vindicated from any wrong doing. He feels justified in keeping up his many torrid affairs. But we all know that he is just being a jackass. He is using this to his advantage while TAKING advantage of you.

    He seems to know his gig pretty well too. You said you felt like a princess and now you feel like crap. He is counting on this. He gave a lot of warmth and good feelings because he knew exactly what to say, when to say it and how to say it. In other words....he is smoooooth. Trust me, this fella knows exactly what he is doing.

    So now you wrote him this email and has not returned yours. STOP EMAILING HIM. Not one more email. Not one phone call, nothing, nada, zip. He knows that by pulling back you are going to fall right into his dirty little trap. He built you up so much that when he pulled back he knew you would go crazy craving him and his attention. This is a trap. Do not call him again. If he contacts you he will have to give up his other women because that is the choice you gave him, so he won't. If you call him, he will just think it is alright to keep treating you the way he has been treating you.

    No, I am not jaded. I am just able to see what is going on as an outsider. Believe me, I have met the players. I can't see them from a mile away. If he really was into you he would have written you back and given you a chance on your terms. You have to be able to see that. Because he didn't, he is not worth it and you have to walk away. You want to be the one that is chased, always. Do not call him or contact him for at least two weeks and see what happens, chances are he may start chasing you again if he senses a serious pulling away from your side.


    Diva Rebecca

    Not everyone will agree with me, everyone has their own opinion.
    What would your advice be?
    Be respectful and courteous. Rude remarks and slander of any kind will be removed.