Dear Diva Rebecca,

Me and my girlfriend have lived together for three years. I was laid off from my job a couple of years ago and I got in a lazy groove. All she ever wanted from me was to get her a engagement ring, or a promise ring, letting her know that I will marry her someday. I never did and I sat on my ass at home doing nothing for two years while she supported me. I screwed up one day and was flirting with some online. She found one of the emails and became extremely upset with me. She then moved out. I was still lazy. I didn't get a job or do anything to prove my love for her even after I hurt her. I have never cheated on her. About two weeks ago she said over the phone it was over. I pleaded with her to take me back and she told me after a couple of days that I needed to get a job. I got one immediately. Then she told me she needed space and that I needed to get my own car because I was using my mom's car. Soon she only wanted to talk on the phone every other day once a day instead of ten times a day which we used to do. I didn't listen to her and I would call her all the time just because I missed her and I wanted to tell her so many things. I want to be with her forever, my heart is missing a piece. Well I now have a job and I am going to get a second one at night. We were so close at one time. I can't call her house or her work. I have a hard time every minute of the day. I can't eat or sleep. Please help me, I love her so much. I just will do anything to get her back.

Sincerely,

Lay-Z-Boy
Duxbury, Massachusetts

Dear Lay-Z-Boy,

I appreciate your honesty and letting me know what really happened. I know you are already feeling bad about what happened and you already feel guilty. When you can acknowledge your own faults you are very mature. But seriously, let us play a little role reversal here.

Imagine you have been living with this woman for three years.

1) She has been unemployed for the least two years.
2) She refuses to look for a job.
3) She stays at home all day doing nothing but watching TV and maybe playing video games.
4) You work all day to make money which you use to support your lazy girlfriend with no thanks.
5) She promises to marry you but refuses to do anything about it for years.
6) In return for all of your kindness, you catch her having an online affair. (Flirting is bad enough, consider it an affair).
7) She drives her mom's car because she is too lazy to hold down a job and get her own.
8) You leave her and she still does nothing for herself.
9) You tell her it is over and she gets a job.

Would you take her back? I don't think so.

You may have gotten a job now but it was only when it was too late. Have you ever heard the old adage, "Those who wait to pray at 12:00 die at 11:30"? This is the same concept. She gave you chance after chance after chance. You literally waited and procrastinated until the last chance had expired. Then, fearing that you may have lost your chance, which you did, you finally acted. But it was too late. You may have hit a lazy spell but you can not treat your beloved with the same sort of procrastination that you were treating your life with.

Her leaving you was probably the best thing for you. You needed this. It is only now that you have gotten a job and you will probably keep going up from here. If you get her back too soon you will probably fall back into the same complacent mentality that you were in before. You don't need that. You need to work on yourself before you can work on a relationship. While you do this, I would also seek some psychiatric therapy just to see if you suffer from depression. It sounds like you may have it which causes people to just stop trying. It is just a thought.

And a word of advice: once you re-enter the dating scene, don't ever tell a potential lover that this ever occurred. No woman wants to support a deadbeat man or even throw the thought around in their head.. No way. I mean seriously, do you expect a woman to happily bring home the bacon and raise a family while you keep your ass planted on the couch? Women hold down these two full time jobs already but to have to come home and face your lazy slob of a husband wearing a wife beater and picking his nose on the couch is really screwed up.

Sincerely,

Diva Rebecca