Dear Diva Rebecca,

I have been married only a year. During that year my wife was unable to find work and it was causing some difficulty around the house. She suffers from depression, but knowing little about the disease I made some horrible mistakes. See, I am sarcastic by nature, not horribly so, but enough. I tried to be funny with it but she did not think it was funny. We had other problems also, raising our 2 teen-age daughters together (parenting), and other problems common to newlyweds. None of them were drop-dead serious. To make a long story even longer, as soon as she did get a job, she was up and out. The main problem seems to be that all of our problems we have or that she has with me are all fairly minor, it's just that her disease is causing her to multiply everything by 10. What do I do? I love and miss her so much! I know you probably need more information but did I blow it too bad to be repaired?

Sincerely,

My Wife Left Me For Prozac
Palomar Park, CA

Dear My Wife Left Me For Prozac,

Depression can be a tricky thing to deal with. Not only is it hard on her, but it must have been terribly hard on you. Are you sure it was depression? Was she clinically diagnosed? There could be other underlying problems such as a bipolar disorder.

I am glad you were honest about your sarcasm. Yes, sarcasm did not work well with her I am sure. If she is already depressed, your sarcasm most likely deepened her depression as well as pushed her away because she felt like she was being nagged. Being in a depression is a terrible state. It will cause inability to handle the smallest of problems. Your sarcasm also probably made her feel bad about herself. When she finally got that job, she left because she realized she can live independently and no one will be around to make her feel bad.

She needs to have time on her own right now. Most importantly, she needs to get help. I hope she is doing that. Physical exercise is one of the best things one can do for depression. It causes endorphins to rage through the body which lifts your mood up.

The best thing to do is leave her alone. The more you tell her how upset you are or how much you want her back, the more she will feel pressured and the depression is not helping her to deal with this pressure. Leave her alone but make sure she knows that she can count on your support and love if she needs it. Try to be as kind as you can and avoid all temptations with regards to sarcasm. You may want to talk to a close friend or family member that knows about her depression and urge them to get her help. She will not get better without help.

When and if she gets help her mental state will be clearer and more focused. Let her find out what she really wants. You can always help the process along be being your sweet self, showing her how PROUD of her you are and how HAPPY you are for her. Make her feel like the queen of the world. When you get the urge to be sarcastic, flip it around and say something extraordinarily sweet. If she is really getting better, she will hopefully fall back into your arms.

This must all be very tough on you. It is not easy dealing with mental illness. You are unable to have a normal relationship because of it. Your sense of humor is simply being misinterpreted and her feelings were being hurt. Right now, you also have to take care of yourself. You seem like a wonderful caring person. There are groups in cities across the US where spouses of people suffering from depression meet to discuss their situations. I would suggest a support group.

Remember, don't put any more stress on her! You will both get through this.

Sincerely,

Diva Rebecca