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Dear Diva Rebecca,
I've been set up on a few blind dates by a girl I used to work with. Each time she would announce that I may have a date, I would get extremely nervous. During the day of the particular date, she would have me take a nap to calm my nerves. During the nap, she would pick out my clothes she thinks would look good for the evening. She didn't like the taste of clothes I would wear [t-shirts & jeans]. One date I was wearing a pair of khakis with a cardigan sweater in which this girl picked out. I couldn't get comfortable or relaxed because she had to button up the sweater. I kept asking my date how I looked and she kept saying fine until she got annoyed. This is normally what happens on my dates. The nap usually helps but it is the appearance where I hear the most complaints. What can I do?
Dear Blind Dater,
Have you ever heard the expression, "The road to hell is paved with good intentions"? This analogy is relevant here but maybe not just so in its severity.
This former co-worker of yours has got it all wrong, as good as her intentions may be. She is genuinely trying to help you but she is a little misguided. She seems a little bit like she may be a control person. She is trying to get you to look and act the way she thinks you should be. I am sure that she is very sweet but this is all wrong. Also, doesn't it seem like she may be a little too involved in your life? Who has time to do all that when they have their own life? I mean, she takes the time to let you nap, she takes care of you and even arranges your wardrobe for the evening. Not to mention the fact the she is the one actively finding these dates for you! A part of me is wondering if she may have some ulterior motive here. Maybe she is actually digging your chili and this way she gets to spend a lot of time with you.
She had you wearing khakis and a button up cardigan sweater. No shit you felt uncomfortable, you probably looked stupid as all hell. What on earth was she thinking? From now on do not take any more advice on what to wear from this woman! This is important! She has absolutely NO CLUE on how to dress a guy. If a guy showed up to pick me up in khakis and a button down cardigan sweater I would seriously think, "He didn't tell me we were going to a costume party...." If you seriously have problems wearing what is cool or hip, you may want to check out the fashion section in Askmen.com, the ultimate men's portal. http://www.askmen.com/fashion/index.html
So you get nervous on first dates, who doesn't? Blind dates do not help. You have no idea what to expect and you are on edge all night long. You need to start meeting women on your own but it is okay to accept a blind date here and there. A nap before your date is the wrong idea. You should do the exact opposite. You should go to the gym and lift or take a run and work on that cardio system of yours. Why? Because working out releases happy endorphins which will rush through your body for the rest of the evening. It also helps deplete you of some pent up testosterone levels. You will have energy for your date, feel great, be happy and you will be relaxed at the same time. Taking a nap is just going to make things worse. Think about that movie, "There's Something About Mary" when a friend told Ben Stiller to masturbate just before his big date with the girl of his dreams. This helps him to relax and get the sexual tension out of the way. This actually works because it helps deplete you of that testosterone just like working out. Just promise me you won't get any in her hair.
Also remember that confidence is sexy. Nothing looks better on a guy than self-assurance. If you are ever worried about the way you look, act like you don't. Never ask your date how you look, it will just make you appear as if you lack confidence. If you do not have confidence in yourself, how can she ever look up to you to being the strong male she can depend on? Keep smiling and strut your stuff like you own the world. She will be amazed and dazzled.
Now that we are done here and I have given you some pointers, I think you should try your new moves on that old co-worker of yours.
Not everyone will agree with me, everyone has their own opinion.|
What would your advice be?
Be respectful and courteous. Rude remarks and slander of any kind will be removed.