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Dear Diva Rebecca,
I am in a real bind. I come from a small town and a small family where marriage and engagements are sacred. I recently got engaged to a wonderful young woman whom I love very much, however there is already a problem. I work at night and then on the weekends I change my sleeping schedule to accommodate her. The problem is that she has this guy friend that keeps calling her at 1:30am on Sunday morning. Now this presents a problem because I'm not crazy about her having a male friend that she is close with, but he's calling her at 1:30am. In my belief that is totally inappropriate. First of all he knows that she is engaged and second he has no business calling her at that hour for any reason. I have spoken my mind in this matter to her and all that she did was defend him and say, "That's just the way he is. So get used to it". I ended up having a talk, man to man, with him and politely asked him to not call her that late at night anymore to which he called the very next night. Now I'm in a dilemma. I really am debating on whether or not to give her an ultimatum; him or me. I can't take this and won't take it once we're married (if it gets that far). What should I do?
Dear Disrespected Fiance,
In this case, you have informed both parties about your distaste for the situation. Yet the person you love has accepted the problem as a normal behavior and the other guy has completely ignored your decent request. Yes, this situation is VERY inappropriate and you have every right to put your foot down.
You are about to get married. You have the right to decide to cancel that wedding if you feel that you are not being treated right, if you feel you are being disrespected and if you are not happy in general. You should not marry into a situation that is making you feel all of the things I listed above. Canceling the wedding is a last ditch effort to achieve happiness, of course, but this is a way you can get her attention. And you are going to have to get her attention in this manner or she is going to keep taking you for a chump and walking all over you.
I can see your point easily and so I am desperately trying to put myself her shoes. Sure, I have lots of guy friends. But the best guy friends, and the ones with absolutely no dirty little intentions, would never disrespect my relationship with my man by calling at that hour, ESPECIALLY if they knew he was bothered by it. It just would not happen. And here is another point: I do have some guy friends that would still pretend to be my closest friend only to keep up the attempts of bedding me. Like that would ever happen. But still, these are the kind of guys that would have no problem calling at that hour regardless of what my significant other thought about it. This is a respect issue. I am going to take the obvious and most believable assumption that this guy has a thing for your woman. Don't take this lightly.
What is even more bothersome is the fact that she is not taking your complaint seriously. Nope, she is carelessly throwing your request to the wind. In short, she is disrespecting you and treating you like shit. I am sorry but when you really love a guy, a small favor such as having a guy friend not call at the "booty call hour" should not be a problem. Not in the slightest. When you truly love a man, you go to the ends of the earth to please him. What you are asking for is not controlling or beyond any boundaries. You are simply asking for respect.
Why don't you show her MY humble opinion and have her write me. In the meantime, let her know that you will not let this happen again because it is an insult to you. If she does not make an effort to stop it, walk away until she does. That should change her mind.
Not everyone will agree with me, everyone has their own opinion.|
What would your advice be?
Be respectful and courteous. Rude remarks and slander of any kind will be removed.