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Dear Diva Rebecca,
I have just started dating again after ending a 5-year relationship three months ago. I only date nice, professional executives (college grads) and have not crossed the point of no return with any of them even though some have tried. I have been told that, "We're both adults and the rules have changed and it's okay to have sex on the first date because sex is a natural thing for consenting adults." When I tell them I'm an old-fashioned girl, they tell me that "Mom's teaching is outdated and that they don't think badly of women who go ahead an "do it." I'm confused--is this BS or what? The gorgeous man with whom I would really like to have a long-termed relationship and who is perfect in every way for me (he is also the person who said this) and I almost gave in, but finally said no. Now he doesn't call even though he says that he is very serious about finding a wife. Do men try women out like cars before they make a down payment? In your opinion, do men really take a casual attitude like this or are they just testing my integrity to see if I'm wife material?
No Sex On The First Date
Dear No Sex,
First of all, if you have your own convictions, stick to them. It makes you unique. Don't give in to someone else just because he says that times have changed. You will only be giving in to his libido and you will compromise everything you believe in for one fleeting moment. Why bother? If some guy is hot over you and giving you all of the lines from his hormonal pubescent days, take it as a compliment and recognize that this is all they are : LINES. He is hot over you and all he wants to do is get his freak on. Why? Because you are a beautiful sexy woman, that is why. Use this to your advantage instead of letting yourself become manipulated or feel weak. And let it make you feel proud. The guys are very attracted to you!
Second, if this one gorgeous guy is now ignoring you after he tried to get you in the sack and you properly declined while letting him know that you still like him, he is nothing but a player! It is always difficult to get back into the dating scene after being in a long term relationship. You become very trustworthy while in a relationship. You learn that you can trust a man with your emotions and honesty. Unfortunately, this is something you can not take for granted in the dating world. Not all guys are going to be who you think they are. This guy was just a player, nothing more. He only wanted sex from you and when you did not give it to him he was out the door. Imagine if you had given it to him? He might have come around for some more here and there and then he would be gone just like he is now, leaving you to feel violated and betrayed. You would have felt much worse than you do now. Trust me, this guy was not looking for a long term commitment, just sex.
If a guy was looking for that special woman, he would not ditch her because she did not give it up on the first date. He would be even more attracted to her and even more inclined to consider her for a serious relationship. Think of this as a learning lesson. The next time you say "No" and he immediately leaves, he is not worth a second more of your time. If he sticks around, he just earned some "cool points".
Times HAVE changed when it comes to casual sex, hook ups and sex on the first date. Women have become sexually liberated. A woman no longer has to feel badly about herself if she wants sex just as much as the man. But this does not mean that times have changed for everyone. This is a personal decision. And if you want to wait before you enter an intimate relationship, then you should wait. And kudos to you......I think waiting is the best choice for anybody looking for a relationship.
Not everyone will agree with me, everyone has their own opinion.|
What would your advice be?
Be respectful and courteous. Rude remarks and slander of any kind will be removed.