Dear Diva Rebecca,

Hi, I met my boyfriend 5 months ago. He was forced by his mother to marry a girl three years ago because she became pregnant. They married but lived separately because he didn't want to be married to her. His mother forced him to marry her because of the child involved. The problem is that his mother hates me. She says it is my fault that they are now going through a divorce. She is the only one in his family who hates me. She even said that she would never accept me. Everyone says she will get over it but it is affecting our relationship, and I get upset all of the time. Do you think she will get over it, and except me?

Sincerely,

Mother of All Problems
Opelousas, Louisiana

Dear Mother of All Problems,

Like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives. Drama!

You and your boyfriend are old enough to make your own mature decisions without needing the consent of his mother. This is a very common problem that many people face in relationships: the unhappy and overbearing mother. So don't worry, you are not alone. As long as her miserable attitude does not interfere with his feelings towards you, you are in the clear. Hopefully, he is helping to shield you from her blows because he loves you. Your boyfriend can not do what makes his mother happy all of the time. When it comes to the woman he loves, he has to do what makes him happy, but I am sure you know that.

The truth is, she is only damning herself. The more she tries to push him away from you, the more he just may want to be with you. Pretty soon she is going to have to face the facts and live with it. She is acting very immature for her age. She cannot force a relationship on her son to make herself look good which sounds like what she is trying to do. She fears that having a son who has a child with a woman he is unwed to reflects badly on her family. She is being very selfish. There are many mothers who would behave in such a way. She is putting her own social reflection in front of her son's heart. She is a social snob.

I know that because she is his mother, it makes things difficult. You can't completely shun her because she will always be a part of your boyfriend's life. But you don't have to let it affect you so much. This woman is lacking in the moral department so it should not matter to you what she thinks. You have a loving boyfriend and I am sure you surround yourself with friends and family of better character. So don't let this one bad apple ruin it for the rest of you. Don't allow her bad vibes get to you; be strong.

She WILL eventually get over it; she is going to have to get over it. It has only been five months so you need to give it more time. It can take people a lot longer than that to warm up to you. I once had to face a vile secretary every day in the office. Although I saw her every single day, it took a full two years before she became friendly to me. Some people just have that personality. The longer your relationship lasts with your boyfriend, the more she will come to terms with it. And if you get married and have children of your own, she will lighten up....I can bet on it.

Right now you need to focus on your lover. He is the important person in your life at this moment. Don't let someone else dictate how you feel about him or interfere with your relationship. Just blow her off. Trying laughing at her (not to her face of course, that won't score any points). But try laughing at what she says or her behavior behind closed doors. It will make you feel better. Every time you are around her, be absolutely as sweet as you can be...even if she is being a bitch from hell. This will make you look like the bigger person, it will eventually start to make her feel bad about it and she will have no choice but to start being nice back. Just bite your tongue around her. It will make it easier for him to deal with too. If you and the mother start verbally assaulting each other, he might run the other way.

Sincerely,

Diva Rebecca