Keep My Marriage
How can you keep your marriage when the other person wants to leave and throw it all away? If at least one of you wants to keep your marriage, it can be saved but you have to work at if. If your spouse is seriously wanting or considering a divorce, the first thing you need to do is back off. You can force him or her into couple's therapy and you can not force your spouse into wanting to make it work. In fact, the more you force this to happen, the less your spouse will want to make it work and the more he or she will want that divorce. So the best thing you can do is give your spouse the space he or she is craving. To help make you feel better about this, most people who initiate a divorce end up regretting it, about 90%. So instead of forcing someone into a feeling that a divorce is the only solution, just sit back and give your spouse some space. Get a separation for a while and let your spouse have some time alone.
A separation is not as bad as it sounds. You might think it is just the inevitable precursor to a divorce but I think otherwise. When you separate, you are giving your spouse what he or she wants so desperately. And then you are giving that person the freedom to think about the relationship, the good and bad points and what needs to be done, all on his or her own, without you standing there to remind him or her. You might be worried that during the separation, he or she will look for another love. You can't have these doom and gloom thoughts in your mind because when you do, you will only end up pestering your spouse about this fear. It is a needless fear because your spouse is STILL married to you. You also can not expect a very quick turnaround. You can not go ahead with a separation and then call your spouse every two days to see if he or she has changed his or her mind yet. This will only make matters worse because you are not giving him or her the emotional separation which is needed.
Do some research during the separation on marriages and how to survive problems while keeping your marriage in tact. A great resource for this in our opinion would be the Keep Your Marriage Website which teaches you how to keep your marriage, what to do and when to do it even when your spouse tells you that he or she doesn't love you anymore. This is a an online guide which will help with your nerves and depression and let you see what is really going on. It was created by a real therapist so it is something to look into. A relationship or marriage is something you need to work at. Just like a career, you need to put time and effort into studying materials related to love and marriage. The more work you put into it, the more you will get out of it. Besides, your spouse doesn't have to know!
I see couples separate for a good long time and then get back together after a year or so. Most people would like to see a quicker turnaround but a break in a marriage sometimes takes a while. If you think about it, a year in a marriage is no time at all, especially if you plan on being together for 60 years. So relax and give your spouse that break if needed. If you do not apply any pressure but remain kind, loving and affectionate, your chances of marriage survival will skyrocket. Most people who initiate a divorce or separation end up regretting it so give your spouse some time to realize his or her mistakes.
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